Saturday, November 16, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
I, ME, MY, MINE! A Lesson in Grammar or Lesson in GIVING?
The subject of sharing and fairness is something parents teach children from a very young age, especially when siblings need to learn sharing WITHIN a family. Toys are shared and taking turns becomes a way of life. Battles ensue and we as referees become just as ready as NFL hires to stand our ground as to a "call" we need to make.
I remember, as a child in a household of 9 kids, we just didn't have a lot. I can't remember fighting over much of ANYthing ( well, except for maybe the last cookie or the last of Mom's Ahh-Mazing pies ;) But we got to share the woods, the fields, the creeks, the sledding hill and other wonders of nature...so really, I felt pretty privileged. Only a few occasions come to mind where my sister and I shared some clothing we had purchased from babysitting or other part time jobs as 'tweens or teens, and fighting over those were NOT mere battles...those were WARS! I think we drew blood with fingernails sometimes! My sister and I shared a room and even a BED until we were 'tweens, so by the time we got to the point of being a teen, we had to fight for our own identity and what was ours. She usually won...she has an endearing smile and heart, but back then, her trademark snarl was pretty intimidating. LOL! (She still shows it in fun and we belly laugh).
With today's entitled generation, I wonder if kids are really learning what we did as kids? Yes, kids need to feel like some of the world is THEIRS, to have some control and self worth. To feel special. But seriously?
Toddlers rack up hundreds if not thousands of dollars worth of goods for holidays and birthdays...or maybe "just because". Just because they were good in church. Just because they tantrum at the store. Just because they are SO damn CUTE! They become bored and disenchanted with their toys or goodies within days sometimes and they might end up in next season's donation box or garage sale very quickly. Then they are ready for the next trendy thing, portrayed as a need they can't do without as TV or online ads/commercials hold them in near hypnotic trances.
YOUNG kids have their own iPods and even iPADS! Kindles, smart phones and personal laptops as pre-teens is not surprising anymore. Half a grand on headphones or a speaker system, flat screen TVs bigger than we had a mere decade ago. And some new drivers are often handed keys to better cars than their PARENTS drive when they graduate to that phase. Clothing costs are outrageous and trends change so quickly that many girls are TRULY trying to Keep up with the Kardashians. Picking an outfit for school can leave a bedroom floor hidden in a matter of minutes. And STILL you might hear, "I don't have Annnyyyything to Wearrrrr todaaaayyyy....waaaah!"
Sweet Sixteen parties and proms are like WEDDINGS now! The limo, the flowers, the jewels. Designer name labels for "everyday" teens? It's CrAzy!
And don't EVEN get me started on sport's equipment! A popular "brand name" youth baseball bat can set you back $250. And of COURSE they need to be replaced nearly yearly, as a child grows. Practice clothing has come down to nifty $50 compression t's and rainguarded savvy shorts. And Shoes. You know, those things you POUND into the ground and grind into the grass during football and soccer practice? Those things that smell like all get-out after only a week? Those things you need for baseball and football and soccer... OH MY! Then INDOOR soccer, and track PRACTICE shoes and MEET shoes and softball cleats. The shoes bankrupt us, as of course they need to be replaced yearly, and sometimes even more often. And what can you do? You CAN hand me down shoes but not sure if our son wanted to wear baby blue or hot pink cleats so much!
I just have to ask where this all comes from? Is it really kids begging and whining for these goods or is this another competitive "sport" we as parents enlist in to "keep up with the Jones's"?
In my opinion it is a combination.
Maybe it is we, who may have been the "have-nots" as kids and in school and feel the need to prove ourselves as providers? Maybe we DID have that silver spoon life and we feel we MUST continue on? Maybe we feel the need to do so because we live in world of bullying and we don't want to even THINK about our kids not being "in" or not have the respect or popularity they need to feel confident? Or maybe we just want to spoil the $hit out of them to make US look good? Maybe we do compete as if our children are THINGS and the more we give them to show off to the public, it makes us look more prosperous and prestigious? Bigger? Better?
I feel we are breeding selfish generations. Those who bank on getting, rather than giving. Parents who would sooner die than give up that trademark bag or pair of shoes, that 2K golf set or golden gun. The pricey Big Time "look at me toys" you don't even have time for...the near yachts and 50K SUV's, the RV's and 4-Wheelers, Dirt Bikes and and all the others we need extra garage stalls to store, or line up on a 6 pad driveway for everyone to see. And the inside "play" gaming units, indoor theaters and gadgetry that sends shocks through our electric grids. All this, while maybe your credit cards and banking takes a hit and you really don't OWN a thing...the bank does. And children are learning to live on credit as soon as they hit 18.
Just not so sure that the buying of goods like this has strengthened our economy? Or taught our kids a lesson in self-control? Are they learning about sharing? Humility? Charity? Empathy or putting others first? Have WE become an entitled ME generation that is raising the SECOND generation of I, ME, MY, and MINE's?
Sadly, I think so...
I remember, as a child in a household of 9 kids, we just didn't have a lot. I can't remember fighting over much of ANYthing ( well, except for maybe the last cookie or the last of Mom's Ahh-Mazing pies ;) But we got to share the woods, the fields, the creeks, the sledding hill and other wonders of nature...so really, I felt pretty privileged. Only a few occasions come to mind where my sister and I shared some clothing we had purchased from babysitting or other part time jobs as 'tweens or teens, and fighting over those were NOT mere battles...those were WARS! I think we drew blood with fingernails sometimes! My sister and I shared a room and even a BED until we were 'tweens, so by the time we got to the point of being a teen, we had to fight for our own identity and what was ours. She usually won...she has an endearing smile and heart, but back then, her trademark snarl was pretty intimidating. LOL! (She still shows it in fun and we belly laugh).
With today's entitled generation, I wonder if kids are really learning what we did as kids? Yes, kids need to feel like some of the world is THEIRS, to have some control and self worth. To feel special. But seriously?
Toddlers rack up hundreds if not thousands of dollars worth of goods for holidays and birthdays...or maybe "just because". Just because they were good in church. Just because they tantrum at the store. Just because they are SO damn CUTE! They become bored and disenchanted with their toys or goodies within days sometimes and they might end up in next season's donation box or garage sale very quickly. Then they are ready for the next trendy thing, portrayed as a need they can't do without as TV or online ads/commercials hold them in near hypnotic trances.
YOUNG kids have their own iPods and even iPADS! Kindles, smart phones and personal laptops as pre-teens is not surprising anymore. Half a grand on headphones or a speaker system, flat screen TVs bigger than we had a mere decade ago. And some new drivers are often handed keys to better cars than their PARENTS drive when they graduate to that phase. Clothing costs are outrageous and trends change so quickly that many girls are TRULY trying to Keep up with the Kardashians. Picking an outfit for school can leave a bedroom floor hidden in a matter of minutes. And STILL you might hear, "I don't have Annnyyyything to Wearrrrr todaaaayyyy....waaaah!"
Sweet Sixteen parties and proms are like WEDDINGS now! The limo, the flowers, the jewels. Designer name labels for "everyday" teens? It's CrAzy!
And don't EVEN get me started on sport's equipment! A popular "brand name" youth baseball bat can set you back $250. And of COURSE they need to be replaced nearly yearly, as a child grows. Practice clothing has come down to nifty $50 compression t's and rainguarded savvy shorts. And Shoes. You know, those things you POUND into the ground and grind into the grass during football and soccer practice? Those things that smell like all get-out after only a week? Those things you need for baseball and football and soccer... OH MY! Then INDOOR soccer, and track PRACTICE shoes and MEET shoes and softball cleats. The shoes bankrupt us, as of course they need to be replaced yearly, and sometimes even more often. And what can you do? You CAN hand me down shoes but not sure if our son wanted to wear baby blue or hot pink cleats so much!
I just have to ask where this all comes from? Is it really kids begging and whining for these goods or is this another competitive "sport" we as parents enlist in to "keep up with the Jones's"?
In my opinion it is a combination.
Maybe it is we, who may have been the "have-nots" as kids and in school and feel the need to prove ourselves as providers? Maybe we DID have that silver spoon life and we feel we MUST continue on? Maybe we feel the need to do so because we live in world of bullying and we don't want to even THINK about our kids not being "in" or not have the respect or popularity they need to feel confident? Or maybe we just want to spoil the $hit out of them to make US look good? Maybe we do compete as if our children are THINGS and the more we give them to show off to the public, it makes us look more prosperous and prestigious? Bigger? Better?
I feel we are breeding selfish generations. Those who bank on getting, rather than giving. Parents who would sooner die than give up that trademark bag or pair of shoes, that 2K golf set or golden gun. The pricey Big Time "look at me toys" you don't even have time for...the near yachts and 50K SUV's, the RV's and 4-Wheelers, Dirt Bikes and and all the others we need extra garage stalls to store, or line up on a 6 pad driveway for everyone to see. And the inside "play" gaming units, indoor theaters and gadgetry that sends shocks through our electric grids. All this, while maybe your credit cards and banking takes a hit and you really don't OWN a thing...the bank does. And children are learning to live on credit as soon as they hit 18.
Just not so sure that the buying of goods like this has strengthened our economy? Or taught our kids a lesson in self-control? Are they learning about sharing? Humility? Charity? Empathy or putting others first? Have WE become an entitled ME generation that is raising the SECOND generation of I, ME, MY, and MINE's?
Sadly, I think so...
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
The Changing of the Guards!
Worldwide, people are suffering and dying. From a "simple" case of Lyme Disease. Once thought "hard to get and easy to treat", it is now infecting more people worldwide than AIDS. Debilitating. Crippling. Deadly. Big business Medicine has sold out our human race, so that money and power is gained by a select few that hold the cards. Secrets are held close so that they do not have to admit failure. That they were WRONG about this disease. Doctrine is established BY these doctors who think they OWN this disease. And our country's medical agencies (Like the CDC) listen, because these doctors are supposed to be "authorities". Insurance companies listen to the CDC doctrines. Outdated and inaccurate testing leave people UNdiagnosed or MISdiagnosed, and people are left without treatment. The disease is left to ravage their bodies and minds. Children are robbed of their childhoods, parents too sick to provide for their children. Forgotten ghosts left to go it alone. It's time to get involved...time to fight back! Because this is everyone's war! In due time, this could be YOUR life!
CHANGING OF THE GUARDS!
Forgotten ghosts in prison's womb
Seems like a cold and lonely tomb.
We merely breathe behind these doors.
Are these our lives forevermore?
Cast out those demons deep inside
That take our bodies for a ride,
Our ears, mere whispers; eyes dethroned
That lead our minds to streets unknown.
That burrows deep within our brain.
That leaves our lives in such disdain.
Which tortures, burns and sears our flesh,
Inflames our limbs, disrupts our rest.
As tremors seize us all day long,
Some fear and dread their lives prolonged.
The mighty ones, the " powers that be"
Have made decisions thoughtlessly,
With money-driven, glory; fame,
They think our lives as only game.
Forgotten, in a corner, cast,
Until important tasks have passed.
Small fragments, scraps or portions of,
We're tossed mere crumbs from "guards" above.
They try to paralyze and silence.
Outside our walls THEIR lives commence.
How they pretend like God to be!
(Yet, spread their lies relentlessly).
It's time to fight for life and liberty!
Take back our health, prosperity!
Hold these "guards" to their Hippocratic Oath.
(Those promises doctors SHOULD uphold !)
To "Preserve the Purity of Life";
To "Only Prescribe Regimens for the Good of " mankind;
To refuse "Seduction and Intentional Ill-Doing", (by way of money and other charms)
And "With (their) Ability and Judgement, NEVER Do No Harm!"
They've failed and made SO many ill.
Push doctrine talk, Big Pharma pills;
Hide facts for money, names in lights
for contracts, ventures, patent rights.
How many MORE refuse to stand?
Will look away, put heads in sand?
How many MORE must lose their breath?
How many kids so innocent,
Will not know childhood, kept in chains?
We must move now! It's time for change!
author: Eileen Richter
CHANGING OF THE GUARDS!
Forgotten ghosts in prison's womb
Seems like a cold and lonely tomb.
We merely breathe behind these doors.
Are these our lives forevermore?
Cast out those demons deep inside
That take our bodies for a ride,
Our ears, mere whispers; eyes dethroned
That lead our minds to streets unknown.
That burrows deep within our brain.
That leaves our lives in such disdain.
Which tortures, burns and sears our flesh,
Inflames our limbs, disrupts our rest.
As tremors seize us all day long,
Some fear and dread their lives prolonged.
The mighty ones, the " powers that be"
Have made decisions thoughtlessly,
With money-driven, glory; fame,
They think our lives as only game.
Forgotten, in a corner, cast,
Until important tasks have passed.
Small fragments, scraps or portions of,
We're tossed mere crumbs from "guards" above.
They try to paralyze and silence.
Outside our walls THEIR lives commence.
How they pretend like God to be!
(Yet, spread their lies relentlessly).
It's time to fight for life and liberty!
Take back our health, prosperity!
Hold these "guards" to their Hippocratic Oath.
(Those promises doctors SHOULD uphold !)
To "Preserve the Purity of Life";
To "Only Prescribe Regimens for the Good of " mankind;
To refuse "Seduction and Intentional Ill-Doing", (by way of money and other charms)
And "With (their) Ability and Judgement, NEVER Do No Harm!"
They've failed and made SO many ill.
Push doctrine talk, Big Pharma pills;
Hide facts for money, names in lights
for contracts, ventures, patent rights.
How many MORE refuse to stand?
Will look away, put heads in sand?
How many MORE must lose their breath?
How many kids so innocent,
Will not know childhood, kept in chains?
We must move now! It's time for change!
author: Eileen Richter
My Two Cents
I posted this on my Facebook page, sent to Lisa Hilton, a great friend to many and an AMAZING Lyme Disease Activist for Wisconsin and Illinois. I wanted to make this my status...for anyone who is sick and fighting guilt for whatever reason.
Lisa, This is my lightbulb moment!
I am not a really "religious person", at least outwardly. And have been fighting my guilt demons. Many are cast AT me, many are cast WITHIN me. I just was thinking about a passage though, I found it was Mark 12:41-44
The Widow’s Offering
It was with great pageantry and production that those giving in the olde of Jesus' time, that it was much like a public parade. Onlookers applauded those who could give the most. But in this verse, she whom was held so highly was the woman who had nearly NOTHING to give, but who gave EVERYTHING she had. Now, as poor as we are, many of us have nothing left. But to me...this story can also speak to us about TIME or ENERGY!
I have read of other moms/dads, sick to death with/of Chronic Lyme Disease...unable to make a living or to crawl from their beds many days to start a batch of laundry, make simple mac n' cheese, or even attempt to help their children with a book report...try hard as we might to return to the intact brainery of a 5th grader...while brain fog is victor. To play catch in the yard with their little boys ( I remember sitting in a chair in the middle of my yard to do just this, too weak to stand to play with my then 4, now 16 year old son). To sew that princess Halloween costume for our little girls, with our painful joints inflamed, or even to drive to Kmart or Kohl's to find one. To plant those flowers, to scrub that toilet or floor, or sit in the stands to watch that soccer game.
The guilt can eat us alive just as easy and quickly as the demonic bacteria that plagues us. And today I finally see.
I know I often only have mere pennies to give---converted to two seconds or two minutes or two hours. Maybe only clear thought enough to send someone a birthday card or pay the bills (AND remember the stamp or make sure it goes to the right person;) , energy enough to type out a thank you or wish someone well on Facebook, or strength enough only to stand a few minutes to get from the car to the sports stands and back again an hour later. Focus enough to (pretend to) watch a movie and hold hands with someone you love. Patience and pride enough to put on the "face" long enough in public to get through, so your child will not be embarrassed by missing the meeting or music program; swallowing pain and anxiety til' your hands and body visibly shake. And self love enough to finally get it. Other people, the ones we USED to be, working and running and super-mommin' it up with kids and homes and public front...they still have it to give. We have had that taken away. It's not our fault. It's also not our curse. We are still alive and have something to give. What you have to give may be LITTLE, but what you truly give, placed in perspective, is HUGE! We have to remember this and even if others try to demean that, we need to have enough self love to remember. We count!
The Widow’s Offering
It was with great pageantry and production that those giving in the olde of Jesus' time, that it was much like a public parade. Onlookers applauded those who could give the most. But in this verse, she whom was held so highly was the woman who had nearly NOTHING to give, but who gave EVERYTHING she had. Now, as poor as we are, many of us have nothing left. But to me...this story can also speak to us about TIME or ENERGY!
I have read of other moms/dads, sick to death with/of Chronic Lyme Disease...unable to make a living or to crawl from their beds many days to start a batch of laundry, make simple mac n' cheese, or even attempt to help their children with a book report...try hard as we might to return to the intact brainery of a 5th grader...while brain fog is victor. To play catch in the yard with their little boys ( I remember sitting in a chair in the middle of my yard to do just this, too weak to stand to play with my then 4, now 16 year old son). To sew that princess Halloween costume for our little girls, with our painful joints inflamed, or even to drive to Kmart or Kohl's to find one. To plant those flowers, to scrub that toilet or floor, or sit in the stands to watch that soccer game.
The guilt can eat us alive just as easy and quickly as the demonic bacteria that plagues us. And today I finally see.
I know I often only have mere pennies to give---converted to two seconds or two minutes or two hours. Maybe only clear thought enough to send someone a birthday card or pay the bills (AND remember the stamp or make sure it goes to the right person;) , energy enough to type out a thank you or wish someone well on Facebook, or strength enough only to stand a few minutes to get from the car to the sports stands and back again an hour later. Focus enough to (pretend to) watch a movie and hold hands with someone you love. Patience and pride enough to put on the "face" long enough in public to get through, so your child will not be embarrassed by missing the meeting or music program; swallowing pain and anxiety til' your hands and body visibly shake. And self love enough to finally get it. Other people, the ones we USED to be, working and running and super-mommin' it up with kids and homes and public front...they still have it to give. We have had that taken away. It's not our fault. It's also not our curse. We are still alive and have something to give. What you have to give may be LITTLE, but what you truly give, placed in perspective, is HUGE! We have to remember this and even if others try to demean that, we need to have enough self love to remember. We count!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Mama's "Truesdays Quotes"--- on SELFISHNESS
It's "Truesday" quote time! The subject is SELFISHNESS. In light of the ME generations we have become part of or are teaching/raising, maybe we should listen to some of these:/ In our haste to find THINGS to make us think we are SOMETHING, I think we forget that we are HUMAN BEINGS!
Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too grave to laugh, and too selfish to seek other than itself.
Khalil Gibran
“In an individual, selfishness uglifies the soul; for the human species, selfishness is extinction.”
― David Mitchell
“There will always be a part, and always a very large part of every community, that have no care but for themselves, and whose care for themselves reaches little further than impatience of immediate pain, and eagerness for the nearest good.”
― Samuel Johnson
“Selfishness and greed, individual or national, cause most of our troubles.”
― Harry S. Truman
Glory, built on selfish principles, is shame and guilt.
The existing principle of selfish interest and competition has been carried to its extreme point; and, in its progress, has isolated the heart of man, blunted the edge of his finest sensibilities, and annihilated all his most generous impulses and sympathies.
Francis Wright
“Simply minding one's own business is more offensive than being intrusive. Without ever saying a word one can make a person feel less-than.”
― Criss Jami
“Man is not, by nature, deserving of all that he wants. When we think that we are automatically entitled to something, that is when we start walking all over others to get it.”
― Criss Jami
“Love is always ready to deny itself, to give, sacrifice, just in the measure of its sincerity and intensity. Perfect love is perfect self-forgetfulness. Hence where there is love in a home, unselfishness is the law. Each forgets self and lives for others.
But where there is selfishness it mars joy. One selfish soul will destroy the sweetness of life in any home. It is like an ugly bush in the midst of a garden of flowers. It was selfishness that destroyed the first home and blighted all the loveliness of Paradise; and it has been blighting lovely things in earth's home ever since. We need to guard against this spirit.”
― J.R. Miller
Friday, March 15, 2013
What Lies Within
Considering my disdain for science in school, I am completely in awe of the human body and what lies within. From the micro cells of early life to the miracle of birth...we are WONDERful! How can you not get excited about the miracle of life but also, the working machines our bodies are?
To watch a child grow so quickly, as days, then months go by is amazing! The velvet, chubby dimpled elbows and folds of the wrist give way to solid toning , then strength and balance. An unconditioned brain signals speech and "mama and daddy" spring forth in just a matter of 300 days, or so. Colors and numbers reported clumsily at first, become words read, and numbers are calculated, sometimes as a preschooler. A gift, we are blessed with healthy children! Wonder often gives to worry as we ponder the what ifs our children might meet. We do anything in our power to protect. We are always ON duty.
We spend our time cultivating our children, to grow well and strong. But what about those heroines who tend our offspring? Who is taking care of MOM?
It occurred to me, at risk of sounding like a hypochondriac(which I am not) , to see JUST how many diseases beguile our world. I found:
"It is hard to say exactly how many types of diseases there are. As of 2007, there were over 12,000 known diseases. New diseases are discovered all the time, so that number grows rapidly."
http://answers.reference.com/wellness/conditions/how_many_types_of_diseases_are_there
WOW! and OUCH! That is gonna take a LOT of Bandaids!
I was a working mom of 5 at home, with the oldest being out on her own at 18! Hardworking and energetic, I suddenly had the proverbial rug pulled out from under me. A flu. Just the general flu that hit our entire family. And I , (JUST me) never recovered. So, when I got sick with this mystery (invisible, meaning no known markers showed disease) illness, over 12 years ago, of course I went to the big "C". We all do it. We think of the ten or so hard hitters that could escort us to our demise. For me, symptoms signaled Cancer. MS? Maybe Lupus? Possibly a heart defect? AIDS? (no high risks of any kind) Thyroid Disease and a possible cancerous lesion the size of a Superball had early on pointed to cancer, but was proven by biopsy not.
Answers came more in questions.
Maybe it was all in my head, maybe a mental health issue?
A sudden onset within days that stole my life? (They conceded that rather quickly)
What could rob your strength so thoroughly that I could no longer toss a ball in our yard to my 4 year old son, or easily retrieve my 18 month old from her crib. To send me crawling down the steps and balance finished laundry baskets on my knees, while I reversed the stairs to bring it back up? That a simple shower could make my legs so unsteady and unsure, like a newborn colt trying to take first steps? To make your head feel like a blown up bouncy house and your muscles ache like a Mack truck ran you down? The sounds of a field of crickets chirping in your ears and once well oiled thoughts and words hiding in a shroud of fog? Lost sleep? Just LOST?
The answer for me was "We don't know".
It could be Lyme Disease, as all symptoms matched. But quickly this diagnosis was scratched. Because it was March and they said was too early for ticks. (even though I had been sick with unusual symptoms reported the previous August but told was probably Thyroid related). Could not be Lyme because we lived in town. (but we actually lived in a country subdivision at the edge of a field where deer had come to our yard and drank from the kiddie pool). Could not be Lyme because I did not have a rash. (but did have a non bullseye rash on my ankle that previous August). And most importantly, the tests "SAID" I did not have Lyme.
So, I was diagnosed with CFS.
Also called CFIDS; Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome. A handful of other diseases was ruled out by bloodwork or Neuro testing, sothat was the best explanation. An invisible illness with no treatment and no cure, but just as surely as with any "respectable" (scientifically proven by bloodwork, MRI, biopsy, etc) disease, it took my living and most of my life away.
I am not here to question if CFS will show its own set of markers one day, as did MS finally did after years of stealthy hidden proof. I can't be sure what lurks within my veins or muscles or bones. But I do know something. I learned to question. For a doctor to give a diagnosis that is based primarily on elimination of only a dozen or so of 12K of diseases? Should I question "authority"?. I felt timid and scared and below these docs that were oh so educated and all knowing. I listened. Never questioned. Did as I was told. For over 5 years.
I have found my voice now. This is the ONLY body I have been given. I have the right to ask. To bring info forward. To fight for testing and answers. And in doing so I found I did/do have Lyme disease and at least 1 co-infection. The markers were there all the time. Just in lower form. Testing for tickborne diseases is tricky, outdated and unreliable. Political debates and WAR has sprung forth from a disease that was considered easy to treat. Left untreated or under-treated, Lyme leaves many "undone". What lies within can seriously destroy you.
So moms, when you are feeling the "typical" MOMitis, when your roller-coaster life never stops, you fall into bed exhausted and 6 hours later you're up to do it all over again... KNOW that you will be tired. Remember to take care of YOU so you can take care of them. And, if your intuition tells you that something is not right, pretend you are going to bat for your CHILD! Question. Listen. Read and educate. You know what your body is telling you, better than any doctor. Be proactive and not suffer in silence. You are responsible for the one life gifted to you! From the beginning of one cell, to the dust at life's end, it is a WONDERfilled, amazing gift!
To watch a child grow so quickly, as days, then months go by is amazing! The velvet, chubby dimpled elbows and folds of the wrist give way to solid toning , then strength and balance. An unconditioned brain signals speech and "mama and daddy" spring forth in just a matter of 300 days, or so. Colors and numbers reported clumsily at first, become words read, and numbers are calculated, sometimes as a preschooler. A gift, we are blessed with healthy children! Wonder often gives to worry as we ponder the what ifs our children might meet. We do anything in our power to protect. We are always ON duty.
We spend our time cultivating our children, to grow well and strong. But what about those heroines who tend our offspring? Who is taking care of MOM?
It occurred to me, at risk of sounding like a hypochondriac(which I am not) , to see JUST how many diseases beguile our world. I found:
"It is hard to say exactly how many types of diseases there are. As of 2007, there were over 12,000 known diseases. New diseases are discovered all the time, so that number grows rapidly."
http://answers.reference.com/wellness/conditions/how_many_types_of_diseases_are_there
WOW! and OUCH! That is gonna take a LOT of Bandaids!
I was a working mom of 5 at home, with the oldest being out on her own at 18! Hardworking and energetic, I suddenly had the proverbial rug pulled out from under me. A flu. Just the general flu that hit our entire family. And I , (JUST me) never recovered. So, when I got sick with this mystery (invisible, meaning no known markers showed disease) illness, over 12 years ago, of course I went to the big "C". We all do it. We think of the ten or so hard hitters that could escort us to our demise. For me, symptoms signaled Cancer. MS? Maybe Lupus? Possibly a heart defect? AIDS? (no high risks of any kind) Thyroid Disease and a possible cancerous lesion the size of a Superball had early on pointed to cancer, but was proven by biopsy not.
Answers came more in questions.
Maybe it was all in my head, maybe a mental health issue?
A sudden onset within days that stole my life? (They conceded that rather quickly)
What could rob your strength so thoroughly that I could no longer toss a ball in our yard to my 4 year old son, or easily retrieve my 18 month old from her crib. To send me crawling down the steps and balance finished laundry baskets on my knees, while I reversed the stairs to bring it back up? That a simple shower could make my legs so unsteady and unsure, like a newborn colt trying to take first steps? To make your head feel like a blown up bouncy house and your muscles ache like a Mack truck ran you down? The sounds of a field of crickets chirping in your ears and once well oiled thoughts and words hiding in a shroud of fog? Lost sleep? Just LOST?
The answer for me was "We don't know".
It could be Lyme Disease, as all symptoms matched. But quickly this diagnosis was scratched. Because it was March and they said was too early for ticks. (even though I had been sick with unusual symptoms reported the previous August but told was probably Thyroid related). Could not be Lyme because we lived in town. (but we actually lived in a country subdivision at the edge of a field where deer had come to our yard and drank from the kiddie pool). Could not be Lyme because I did not have a rash. (but did have a non bullseye rash on my ankle that previous August). And most importantly, the tests "SAID" I did not have Lyme.
So, I was diagnosed with CFS.
Also called CFIDS; Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome. A handful of other diseases was ruled out by bloodwork or Neuro testing, sothat was the best explanation. An invisible illness with no treatment and no cure, but just as surely as with any "respectable" (scientifically proven by bloodwork, MRI, biopsy, etc) disease, it took my living and most of my life away.
I am not here to question if CFS will show its own set of markers one day, as did MS finally did after years of stealthy hidden proof. I can't be sure what lurks within my veins or muscles or bones. But I do know something. I learned to question. For a doctor to give a diagnosis that is based primarily on elimination of only a dozen or so of 12K of diseases? Should I question "authority"?. I felt timid and scared and below these docs that were oh so educated and all knowing. I listened. Never questioned. Did as I was told. For over 5 years.
I have found my voice now. This is the ONLY body I have been given. I have the right to ask. To bring info forward. To fight for testing and answers. And in doing so I found I did/do have Lyme disease and at least 1 co-infection. The markers were there all the time. Just in lower form. Testing for tickborne diseases is tricky, outdated and unreliable. Political debates and WAR has sprung forth from a disease that was considered easy to treat. Left untreated or under-treated, Lyme leaves many "undone". What lies within can seriously destroy you.
So moms, when you are feeling the "typical" MOMitis, when your roller-coaster life never stops, you fall into bed exhausted and 6 hours later you're up to do it all over again... KNOW that you will be tired. Remember to take care of YOU so you can take care of them. And, if your intuition tells you that something is not right, pretend you are going to bat for your CHILD! Question. Listen. Read and educate. You know what your body is telling you, better than any doctor. Be proactive and not suffer in silence. You are responsible for the one life gifted to you! From the beginning of one cell, to the dust at life's end, it is a WONDERfilled, amazing gift!
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Sleep in Heavenly Peace?
Since age 12 , sleep has eluded me. Family strife and frightening events had me clutching to every last stream of daylight come bedtime. Where light receded, darkness filled every hole. Insecure, I became bathed in darkness and the fear that comes with what you cannot see or know.
Along came teenage years with freedom found and schedule so full I slumped onto my pillow well into the next day, and fears were shelved for another day. Sports, jobs, dating and fun with family and friends filled every moment. Sleep came but not nearly enough of it.
Marriage and family came next, including little angels with devilish schedules and again, sleep was in short supply. Night time nursing and nightmares (both little one's AND mine too).
Along the years came a heated divorce and family stress...much more than any person could handle. It was the first of many nights watching the cogs turn in my head and not able to turn off the mind machine. Sleep escaped even more.
A move, with a three kids in tow, I went back to school, with long hours studying to make the grades. My health took a hit with so much heartache.
Work, a remarriage and blended family. Teenage years with the usual worries and again...I stared at the ceiling in darkness while numbers flipped endlessly on the clock. Blessings of babies but so much woe that the treasure of sleepy time was rare.
Again, our family dismantled for "greener pastures" , and now I was in charge of many souls...slumber is low on the list. Then turns a new day...confident and head held high, a renewal of strength was born, but there were just not enough hours in the day. No play!
FINALLY when the gods beheld a break in darkness, forgiveness springs, security and self worth rekindled...life was good! But with joy and fun and giggles WAY too much to sleep. Tiny miracle and testament of our new trust, number 6 arrives to care and share at night...one last blessing to bring from infant tenderness to toddler. Work steals time and night is best well spent in never ending catch up chores. A mother's work is never done.
Then, a monster comes in the night. All the terror ever known is bestowed upon a broken body. As toddlers turn to teens, years unfold and they have never known the REAL mom.
Exhausted. Ill. Never to be me again. Insomniac circles. Breaks down the body, mind, and soul. I'm old. Over fifty now, with regrets and pained with frustration when the cures won't come. But, I finally have learned:
That time is time no MATTER when, you use it when you can. So if at dusk or dawn you live, the BEST of days aren't always planned.
Grab every chance to spend the late, and giggle with a child, or pray or read, make friends out there, play games.
The dark is only darkness if YOU put out the lights...those outside OR within you. Put guilt aside and do not hide. Your best of life remains.
Remember, darkness sometimes calms the soul can surely be your friend.
Along came teenage years with freedom found and schedule so full I slumped onto my pillow well into the next day, and fears were shelved for another day. Sports, jobs, dating and fun with family and friends filled every moment. Sleep came but not nearly enough of it.
Marriage and family came next, including little angels with devilish schedules and again, sleep was in short supply. Night time nursing and nightmares (both little one's AND mine too).
Along the years came a heated divorce and family stress...much more than any person could handle. It was the first of many nights watching the cogs turn in my head and not able to turn off the mind machine. Sleep escaped even more.
A move, with a three kids in tow, I went back to school, with long hours studying to make the grades. My health took a hit with so much heartache.
Work, a remarriage and blended family. Teenage years with the usual worries and again...I stared at the ceiling in darkness while numbers flipped endlessly on the clock. Blessings of babies but so much woe that the treasure of sleepy time was rare.
Again, our family dismantled for "greener pastures" , and now I was in charge of many souls...slumber is low on the list. Then turns a new day...confident and head held high, a renewal of strength was born, but there were just not enough hours in the day. No play!
FINALLY when the gods beheld a break in darkness, forgiveness springs, security and self worth rekindled...life was good! But with joy and fun and giggles WAY too much to sleep. Tiny miracle and testament of our new trust, number 6 arrives to care and share at night...one last blessing to bring from infant tenderness to toddler. Work steals time and night is best well spent in never ending catch up chores. A mother's work is never done.
Then, a monster comes in the night. All the terror ever known is bestowed upon a broken body. As toddlers turn to teens, years unfold and they have never known the REAL mom.
Exhausted. Ill. Never to be me again. Insomniac circles. Breaks down the body, mind, and soul. I'm old. Over fifty now, with regrets and pained with frustration when the cures won't come. But, I finally have learned:
That time is time no MATTER when, you use it when you can. So if at dusk or dawn you live, the BEST of days aren't always planned.
Grab every chance to spend the late, and giggle with a child, or pray or read, make friends out there, play games.
The dark is only darkness if YOU put out the lights...those outside OR within you. Put guilt aside and do not hide. Your best of life remains.
Remember, darkness sometimes calms the soul can surely be your friend.
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