I posted this on my Facebook page, sent to Lisa Hilton, a great friend to many and an AMAZING Lyme Disease Activist for Wisconsin and Illinois. I wanted to make this my status...for anyone who is sick and fighting guilt for whatever reason.
Lisa, This is my lightbulb moment!
I am not a really "religious person", at least outwardly. And have been fighting my guilt demons. Many are cast AT me, many are cast WITHIN me. I just was thinking about a passage though, I found it was Mark 12:41-44
The Widow’s Offering
It was with great pageantry and production that those giving in the olde of Jesus' time, that it was much like a public parade. Onlookers applauded those who could give the most. But in this verse, she whom was held so highly was the woman who had nearly NOTHING to give, but who gave EVERYTHING she had. Now, as poor as we are, many of us have nothing left. But to me...this story can also speak to us about TIME or ENERGY!
I have read of other moms/dads, sick to death with/of Chronic Lyme Disease...unable to make a living or to crawl from their beds many days to start a batch of laundry, make simple mac n' cheese, or even attempt to help their children with a book report...try hard as we might to return to the intact brainery of a 5th grader...while brain fog is victor. To play catch in the yard with their little boys ( I remember sitting in a chair in the middle of my yard to do just this, too weak to stand to play with my then 4, now 16 year old son). To sew that princess Halloween costume for our little girls, with our painful joints inflamed, or even to drive to Kmart or Kohl's to find one. To plant those flowers, to scrub that toilet or floor, or sit in the stands to watch that soccer game.
The guilt can eat us alive just as easy and quickly as the demonic bacteria that plagues us. And today I finally see.
I know I often only have mere pennies to give---converted to two seconds or two minutes or two hours. Maybe only clear thought enough to send someone a birthday card or pay the bills (AND remember the stamp or make sure it goes to the right person;) , energy enough to type out a thank you or wish someone well on Facebook, or strength enough only to stand a few minutes to get from the car to the sports stands and back again an hour later. Focus enough to (pretend to) watch a movie and hold hands with someone you love. Patience and pride enough to put on the "face" long enough in public to get through, so your child will not be embarrassed by missing the meeting or music program; swallowing pain and anxiety til' your hands and body visibly shake. And self love enough to finally get it. Other people, the ones we USED to be, working and running and super-mommin' it up with kids and homes and public front...they still have it to give. We have had that taken away. It's not our fault. It's also not our curse. We are still alive and have something to give. What you have to give may be LITTLE, but what you truly give, placed in perspective, is HUGE! We have to remember this and even if others try to demean that, we need to have enough self love to remember. We count!
The Widow’s Offering
It was with great pageantry and production that those giving in the olde of Jesus' time, that it was much like a public parade. Onlookers applauded those who could give the most. But in this verse, she whom was held so highly was the woman who had nearly NOTHING to give, but who gave EVERYTHING she had. Now, as poor as we are, many of us have nothing left. But to me...this story can also speak to us about TIME or ENERGY!
I have read of other moms/dads, sick to death with/of Chronic Lyme Disease...unable to make a living or to crawl from their beds many days to start a batch of laundry, make simple mac n' cheese, or even attempt to help their children with a book report...try hard as we might to return to the intact brainery of a 5th grader...while brain fog is victor. To play catch in the yard with their little boys ( I remember sitting in a chair in the middle of my yard to do just this, too weak to stand to play with my then 4, now 16 year old son). To sew that princess Halloween costume for our little girls, with our painful joints inflamed, or even to drive to Kmart or Kohl's to find one. To plant those flowers, to scrub that toilet or floor, or sit in the stands to watch that soccer game.
The guilt can eat us alive just as easy and quickly as the demonic bacteria that plagues us. And today I finally see.
I know I often only have mere pennies to give---converted to two seconds or two minutes or two hours. Maybe only clear thought enough to send someone a birthday card or pay the bills (AND remember the stamp or make sure it goes to the right person;) , energy enough to type out a thank you or wish someone well on Facebook, or strength enough only to stand a few minutes to get from the car to the sports stands and back again an hour later. Focus enough to (pretend to) watch a movie and hold hands with someone you love. Patience and pride enough to put on the "face" long enough in public to get through, so your child will not be embarrassed by missing the meeting or music program; swallowing pain and anxiety til' your hands and body visibly shake. And self love enough to finally get it. Other people, the ones we USED to be, working and running and super-mommin' it up with kids and homes and public front...they still have it to give. We have had that taken away. It's not our fault. It's also not our curse. We are still alive and have something to give. What you have to give may be LITTLE, but what you truly give, placed in perspective, is HUGE! We have to remember this and even if others try to demean that, we need to have enough self love to remember. We count!
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